I Might Have Fallen

A lot of things have happened this year.

I lost my job... but then again, it was only an internship.  I made some bad decisions.  First, not double-checking my work, trying, or being motivated in the office.  There was no reason for the company to extend my internship.  Which, sadly, I kind of needed and planned on staying for an entire year.  I understand, since I might have been losing them more money by not doing as much as I should in the office.

I'm disappointed in myself.  I should have planned better, rented a room in someone's house, or just planned to stay there for a few months and gotten a small part-time somewhere in town.  Instead, I put all my eggs in one basket.  Like always.

Now I'm just stressed about finding another job, paying rent, or breaking the rent (totally expensive), and losing even more money than I started.  This won't happen again.  Nope.  I've lived frugally in college, and as soon as I'm out, I'm going crazy.  This is ridiculous.

I will make a list.  I will list all my goals, the steps to achieve my goals, and make deadlines for everything.  I will keep up with myself, motivate myself to keep going, and not give up.  I'm still alive.  I can still make money, pay off debt, and bring happiness to people.  Gawd, I sound so cheesy.  I'm kind of a pessimist, but I've lived too long to continue being sad.  It's time to move on.

These days, I haven't written.  I want to.  There are so many stories I want to finish, have to finish.  For myself.  My characters want to have their stories heard.  I would love to tell their stories.  I'm a little sad my stories will be buried a few months (that's being optimistic) after I've published them, but I would like satisfaction that at least a few people have read my books.

I hope you're well, too!

The Thing About Stories

I like to read simple stories.  I like cute couples, the occasional drama.  I want a story that will make me think more, about the meaning of life, the consequences of an action, that the last page is just the opening to the next part of the story.  It is not hard to please me, but it is easy to annoy me.  I try to read everything with an open mind, because it is like meeting a new friend.  I like to take the time to absorb the words and the events, getting to know the characters little by little, have them grow on me.  Of course, by the end of it all, I will either love the characters or hate them.

The thing about stories is… they distract me from real life.  It’s just a distraction.  I’m too cynical to think anything of the sort will happen to me, and that is why I read.  To be free from reality, to be unnecessarily happy for a brief moment.

Life is sad right now.  No internship, just games that no one wants to play with me.  I have little motivation because I’m just in so much debt.  I wonder if, a year from now, I will be in the same place or where I want to be.

What's in a grain?

I want to say I contemplated for a long time on what to name my blog.  Something related to write, though cheesy, but it would be simple for people to associate with writing, the life of writing, all things that have to do with writing.  In reality, it took me about a minute to call it "A Fallen Grain."  Why?  Because grains remind me of rice, and rice is food, and I like food.  :)

No.  "A Fallen Grain" is more about a seed that falls on the earth and starts to sprout, maybe into a plant or a new idea.  This "plant idea" will grow and grow, be able to sustain itself, fighting through harsh weather, long nights, cold days.

This blog is merely a blog to encourage writers, mostly creatively, but creative writing still has to have some seriousness in it.

I follow a few writing blogs:

A Newbie's Guide to Publishing - The name says it all.  The writer, Joe Konrath, provides great insight and statistics on independent publishing.

Pub(lishing) Crawl) - Kind of a blog, but this site is for traditional publishing.  They are a collection of authors who are pretty encouraging and nice, and provide great advice on writing in general.

Both are inspiring and motivating.  For me, anyway.

And an excellent article I just found:

Publishing Is Broken, We're Drowning In Indie Books - And That's A Good Thing, by David Vinjamuri

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At the moment, I have lots of topics I want to discuss.  Writing: characters, plots, descriptions, etc.  Editing, things to do for inspiration.  Daydreaming, if you're distracted.  All that good stuff.  And we can't forget criticism.  My favorite phrase is, "No matter how much you love something, somebody out there hates it."  It's kind of pessimistic, but it keeps my ego deflated.  On the other hand, you shouldn't care too much what others think about you, because it's always the negative things that drag you down more than the positive.  It's a human thing, though, psychological, can't help it.

I'm kind detached from the world, very practical, so you'll come to learn that I try not to bullshit.  I'm a realist who's cynical, or, as a creative writing instructor once told me, a "disappointed idealist."  I totally agree.  I wonder why people can't just get past their differences and get along, communicate.  It would cause less drama and annoyances.  But without these complications, life would be boring.  We can't have it both ways, unfortunately.  I contradict myself a lot, and I'm a hypocrite (wanting less drama, but knowing it would be boring, so I don't mind the drama in the end).  Watch out.

I forgot to mention how sarcastic I can be.  Don't take what I say too seriously, and have fun.

The First Grain

I've never really had a blog.  What do I write about?

I'll start with who I am: I write as a hobby.  I want to be published, and I used to have dreams of finding a publishing.  Except I fear my stories will be altered, since even I know it should be on some parts, and then there's the cover.  I like to have control over every aspect of my life.  But decisions are difficult to make, so if someone directs me, I would feel less pressure.  I tend to be contradicting, and a total hypocrite.  But I try to be nice and not a know-it-all (of course, I can be really mean).

I am first and foremost a landscape architect.  What is landscape architecture?  It is not civil engineering, horticulture, architecture... it is almost a combination of all of that.  Landscape architects look at the land and attempt to beautify it, to create a space for humans to enjoy.  This can be residential properties, neighborhoods, parks.  (Eg.: Central Park in New York, designed by the father of landscape architecture, Frederick Law Olmsted.)  LAs not only make these spaces aesthetically pleasing, they also strive to incorporate environmental qualities into them (water conservation, energy reduction).  From sustainable designs to walkable cities, landscape architecture is a broad field that deals with more than just plants and architecture.

This is a blog for my writing life, but I will occasionally talk about landscape architecture if it pertains to the post.

By the way, food is awesome.